我跟另一个巴基斯坦女人共事一夫，我成了别人的“小老婆”|163

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作者 |大胡子 Agent

来源 |大胡子在Pakistan

巴基斯坦是最早承认我国的国家之一，我们习惯将中巴友谊称为【巴铁】，许多中国人被派驻到巴基斯坦，女性也不在少数。人才交流的频繁促使了浪漫情愫的萌生。

说实话，现在中巴跨国婚姻挺常见了，说不定哪天，身边的朋友就会突然说：“嘿，我要跟一个巴基斯坦人（中国人）结婚了，来参加我们的婚礼吧~”

这跨越地域、跨越种族、跨越宗教的婚姻到底是怎样的呢？那些嫁到巴基斯坦的中国女孩过得幸福吗？

以下是两名巴基斯坦中国媳妇儿的自述

“我跟另一个巴基斯坦女人共享丈夫，

我成了别人的‘小老婆’。”

图源 | 网络

我跟我的巴基斯坦老公算是网上认识的，我就叫他M吧。我在一家工厂做外贸，M一开始是我的客户，我们见过几次面。他非常有礼貌、有爱心。每次他来中国前都会问我要什么礼物，尽管我什么也不要，但他还是从没有空手来见过我。在中国时，出去吃饭，他都抢着付钱，说照顾女人是他们巴基斯坦男人的责任，女人是不需要出钱的。

I met my Pakistani husband by online and I will call him “M” in my story. I was working in a factory as international trade sales girl , “M” and I met several times in China. He was a polite man and was a caring person. Every time he visited China, he always treated me well. He paid my meals, always made sure that I was fine and got what I needed. Each time he would ask me what gift I want to have from Pakistan, though iI never need anything, nonetheless, he always brought expensive gift for me. He never let me spend any money when we went outside, always tell me that paying money is the man’s responsible.

我们关系开始后的一年，我们决定结婚，这个决定我很谨慎，我听说过很多巴基斯坦人已婚却在中国又结婚的故事，所以我要求他让我跟他的父母见面，因为不方便去巴基斯坦，我跟他的父母视频，他向我介绍了他的全家。

When our relationship was almost 1 year, we were ready to bring our relation further. For this decision, i was very careful as i heard many sad stories, i asked him to introduce me to his family, and he did.

对于我们要结婚这事，他的家人很高兴，他的妹妹还给我挑选了很多巴基斯坦的衣服。很多女人，当他们爱上巴基斯坦人后，会幻想她们将穿着Shalwa Kameez或者Lehenga（巴基斯坦传统服饰），戴着巴基斯坦的首饰，在巴基斯坦过着幸福快乐的日子，我也一样。

From video call, all his family member are happy for us about the marriage. His sister even selected many Pakistan dresses for me. All women, when they fall in love with Pakistani man will imagine they will get a good life with their Pakistani man, they will be wearing Shalwar Kameez or lahenga with Pakistani jewelry and have a happy marriage life in Pakistan. I have the same dream too.

父母对于我的选择没有太多反对，他们也觉得M是个很不错的人。因为工作的原因，我们没有先去巴基斯坦结婚，M从巴基斯坦带来了单身证明，我们在中国登记了结婚。

My parents had no much objection about my decision, they also feel M sames a nice man. Due to my job reason we did not go to Pakistan for our marriage registration, which was a huge mistakeI ever made. M brought his affidavit letter, then we married legally .

婚后的日子非常幸福，M是个很浪漫的人，他总爱说我是他的公主、女王，一切都非常美好，直到我怀孕后的第三个月，我第一次来到了巴基斯坦。

My marriage life was wonderful, M always told me I am his princess, his queen, always generous to me,until I landed my feet in Pakistan after my 3 month pregnancy.

我们住在拉合尔他弟弟家，他们一家人非常友好、热情。几天后，M告诉我他要去老家，我想跟着他去，见见他的母亲，但他说，他要先回去整理一下房子，他怕我在他的老家待不习惯，况且我还要去看医生。

When the first time we arrived, he and I stayed in his younger brother’s house who lives in Lahore. They were very nice family and had good hospitality. After few days, “M” told me that he would visit his parents in his hometown alone. I intended to go with him because I also wanted to meet his mother, but he said he had to fix some other things and would bring me with him to see his mother later. He told me that I would not comfortable to live in his hometown. His hometown is a very small city and lacks of facilities, and I need to visit doctor.

他的老家是个小城市，基础设施很不好。那会正是夏天，天气非常热，时常还会停电。于是我便同意他先回去，不久再带我回去。

His hometown is a very small city and lacks of facilities, and I need to visit doctor. Moreover, at that time was summer season in Pakistan. It was very hot and half of the electricity off. I agreed and I let him to visit his mother without me.

有一天，M决定带我回他的老家。我没有反对，只要跟他在一起，去哪里都是幸福的。M是家中长子，下面有2个弟弟，其中一个未婚，还有2个妹妹，也未婚。M家还有一个表妹，带着两个孩子，M告诉我，这个表妹父母过世，婚姻有问题，跟他们住一起。

One day, he decided to move back to his hometown and stayed with his mother. Though we did not plan to live in small city, indeed we had plan to buy a house in Lahore or Islamabad, I didn’t reject his plan, his business did not go very well, and I said to him I would not complain to live in small city as long as he always with me.“M” is the eldest in his family, he has 2 unmarried sisters, 1 married brother who lived in Lahore and 1 unmarried brother. There is another woman with 2 children in the house. He told me that the lady is his cousin, parents not not alive anymore. She lives with them due to her marriage failure.

所有人都非常欢迎我，他的爸爸、妈妈，尤其是妈妈，她给了我拥抱，亲吻我的脸颊。除了他的那个表妹。我没多想，觉得可能是她婚姻不幸，性子如此。

His mother and youngest brother were so nice and welcomed me, especially his mother, she hugged me, kissed me, except his female cousin. I did not think too much about this as i thought she just been thought a bad marriage, or maybe just personal nature.

但慢慢，我察觉出不对劲，我不是傻子，她的行为让我觉得有些奇怪。尽管家里所有人都告诉我那是他表妹。我不会说urdu，于是我打电话给一个我认识的人，她也是嫁给巴基斯坦人，住在拉合尔，她会说Punjabi，她让我把电话给那个表妹的孩子，孩子还小，三岁多。结果是，那个表妹，也是M的妻子。

But slowly i felt weird, indeed, I don’t speak Urdu but I’m not blind, I can see everything around me. I became more suspicious with his cousin’s behavior , I called a friend in Lahore, she also married with Pakistani man, can speak Punjabi. told her about my concern, she asked me to give my phone to the cousin’s small kids, 3 years old,this is my another mistake i ever made in my life, and in short, I found out that his cousin is also his first wife.

我霎时觉得晴天霹雳，那时我正在怀着孕，否则我会立马离开巴基斯坦。

Words can not describe my shocker, I was pregnant, otherwise I would leave Pakistani immediately.

事实是，当M跟我在中国结婚时，带来了单身证明。而在巴基斯坦一些小城市，人们结婚就按照伊斯兰教法结婚，并没有进行法律登记，所以即便他们结了婚，还是可以开到单身证明，他们很多人也不去法院结婚，对他们来说，伊斯兰教法下的结婚就足够了。

The fact is when “M” married me in China, he had affidavit letter, which certifies that he was a single man. Later I got to know that “M” married his cousin under sharia law and they never register the marriage at court. Most Pakistani especially the people in small city, they don’t care about legal marriage under Pakistani law, for them get married under Islamic law is already enough.

我的生活在我发现那个表妹也是M的妻子后变得非常糟糕，M的表妹总是给我找茬，比如，把厨房搞的乱七八糟的，让我不得不自己清理，或者把我的东西从冰箱拿出来扔垃圾桶。而这一切，她表现的非常无辜，找各种理由让M觉得是我的错。

After the reveal of his first wife, my life was getting harder. The first wife whom also “M”’s cousin always tried to cause any trouble for me, from making the kitchen messy so I had to clean her mess; to throwing out my food from the fridge to the trash bin. She would act like innocent and made excuses to cover her bad behaviors toward me, also made M think that was my fault.

我知道，表妹恨我，想让我的生活无比难堪，但她啥也做不了，M是家中长子，有着绝对的话语权，所有人都尊重他，尽管表妹也是亲戚，但表妹家的经济条件不如M家，表妹家人也不愿表妹离婚带着孩子回去。

I knew that his cousin hated me a lot but she couldn’t do anything besides making a lot of troubles to me. “M” is the eldest son and everybody respect him. Furthermore, though the cousin is still their relative, but her economy status is lower than “M”’s family, her parents also not accept that if she divorce. She completely has no power to against anything.

除了M的表妹给我制造的麻烦，我自己也无时不刻不在告诉我自己，我是别人的小老婆，我跟另外一个女人共享丈夫，我感觉生不如死，尽管M总是站在我这边，他总是告诉我他不爱那个表妹，那是父母的安排。

Despite, the way the first wife treated me made my life in Pakistan harder, but the reality in front of me made me sick, all the time I know I am the second wife, I am sharing my husband with another woman, this drive me crazy. I realized that I am alive like dead. “M” always stood by my side, tells me that he only loves me, the marriage is arranged, can not divorce her, only keep her in the house, feed her, that’s all, he is still mine.

我是女人，我理解表妹的所作所为，我很同情她，可是我也没有办法，我不想我的孩子一出生就没有爸爸。

I’m a woman and of course I understand the cousin’s behavior, I do have empathy to her, however I have no choice, I do not wanna my baby born without father.

我深深地爱着M，我不想责备M或者他家人。一切都是我的错，如果时间能够倒流，我希望我从来没有遇见过M。

“嫁到巴基斯坦白沙瓦后，

我每晚都在房间哭。”

图源 | 大胡子在Pakistan

白沙瓦是开伯尔-普赫图赫瓦省的省会城市。虽然号称是省会，但城市并不大，也不现代化。它还以恐怖主义问题而闻名。在我的一生中，我从未想过要在巴基斯坦生活，尤其是在白沙瓦，但命运却把我带到了那里。

Peshawar is the capital city of KPK Province. Although, it is called capital, however the city itself not that big and is not modern. It is also famous for terrorism issue. I never imagined in my life to live in Pakistan, especially in Peshawar but my fate brought me there.

巴基斯坦是一个贫穷的国家，许多人生活在贫困之中。我老公是来自白沙瓦的普什图人。我在一家医院工作时认识了我的老公，那时他在一所大学学医。

Pakistan is poor country, a lot of people live in poverty. My husband is a Pashtun, from Pakistan, I met my husband in a hospital where i was working, at that time he was studying in a university.

他当时是医学生，我是医院的医生，我们有很多的话题，不幸的是，嫁给他后，我放弃了我的工作跟他来了巴基斯坦。做出这个决定实属不易，来这后，我的人生发生了翻天覆地的改变。

婚后我们搬到了巴基斯坦白沙瓦，和我的公公婆婆以及其他婆家人住一起。

I moved to Peshawar after we got married.I lived with my parent in law with other brothers and sisters in law.

我老公有两个已婚的哥哥和两个已婚的姐妹，两个未婚的妹妹。包括我、我的老公，我的侄女和侄子，因为妹夫在迪拜打工，小姑子以及她的四个孩子也跟我们住一起。房子里一共有17口人。

My husband has two married elder brothers and two sisters who already married too. There are 17 people in the house including me, my husband and the niece and nephew. My sister in law also withed with us along with her 4 kids due to her husband works in Dubai. I never lived in big family like this before because we do not have joint family system . It was so stressful and the house was quite chaotic.

我以前从未住过像这样的大家庭，因为在我老家没有群居家庭制度。房子吵闹，我感到很压抑。老公把我带到白沙瓦后去了UAE工作，每隔六个月或一年定期回来看我一次。我感到十分绝望而又沮丧，但他要我有耐心，等他经济条件好点能带我和他住在一起。

After my husband brought me to his family’s house, he went back to UAE for work. He came to visit me regularly every six months or a year. It was so difficult for me, and made me frustrated, but he asked me to have more patient until he could bring me to live with him.

这里的大多数人及其保守，女人不能经常外出。我被困在房子里。过去，我能自由去外面，但在白沙瓦，我一个月只能和婆婆以及其他小姑子、嫂子们出去一次。我过去有自己的钱，但在白沙瓦，每当我想买东西的时候，我就得伸手跟我婆婆要钱。

Majority of Peshawar people are conservative, the women cannot go outside the house frequently. I was trapped in the house, just like a bird trapped in the cage, and my lifestyle completely changed. I used to have my own freedom to go outside, but in Peshawar, I only could go once in a month for shopping with my mother in law and other sisters in law. I used to have my own money, but in Peshawar, I had to ask my mother in law whenever I wanted to buy something.

我从来没有戴头巾的习惯，但在白沙瓦，婆婆要求我戴头巾，即便在家里（因为家里有小叔子），出门的时候我自觉戴上头巾，以免当地人像看外星人一样盯着我看。

I never wear any scarf before, but my mother in law asked me to put the dupatta on my head as there are other men, my brother in laws, in the house, when i go outside, i wear abaya to avoid the local people stare at me like I was an monkey.

夏天的时候，我因天气太热而出疹子，也常流鼻血，有时我们这里还会没有水供应。白沙瓦的大部分出租车也没有空调，夏天坐出租车就像把自己放进烤箱里。

In summer time, the situation became horrible, I got skin irritation because of the hot weather, my nose sometimes was bleeding, and sometime we lacked of water supply. Most taxi in Peshawar also did not have air conditioner; taking taxi in summer just same like put myself in the oven.

我每天晚上都在我的房间哭，生活太痛苦了。另外，我跟婆家人相处也不大好。

I cried a lot every night in my room.My life was so hard.Furthermore, I have some issues in the house with other family members.

我婆婆总的来说是个好人，但一开始她就跟我说嫁妆的事情。我没有带着嫁妆去白沙瓦，她告诉我她结婚的时候带了嫁妆，别的嫂子也带了嫁妆，她还说我应该叫我爸给我钱来买嫁妆。

My mother in law is a good person, but in the beginning of my marriage, she was asking about my dowry. I did not bring it to Peshawar when I moved there, so my mother in law asked me why I did not bring the dowry, she told me that dowry was Pakistani culture. She brought dowry when she got married and my sisters in law brought too. She also said that I should have asked my father to give me the money to buy dowry.

我很吃惊，因为我老公从来没跟我说过这个事情，他还告诉我，根据伊斯兰教法律，他才是那个该给我嫁妆的人。虽然婆婆对于嫁妆这事没再提过，但别的妯娌却一直提。我不会说urdu也不会说Pashtho语，但我知道，每次看见我她们都要拿嫁妆来说我。有时候我感到，幸好我不会他们的语言，不然我会更不好受。

I was so shocked when she told me that as my husband never told me about this, he even said to me that he was the one who would give me the dowry according to Islamic law, so he did not want a dowry from me, but his mother said something else. The conversation of dowry was ended there by my mother in law, but not by my sisters in law—the wives of my husband’s bothers. I could not speak Urdu and Pastho, but I knew exactly, those sisters talked about me and my dowry whenever they saw me. Sometime, I felt so glad, because I could not speak their language, otherwise I would get offended if I knew every single word they said.

我们家没有仆人或者女佣，我婆婆做饭，儿媳妇打扫房子，各人洗各人的衣服。但我到了那里后，我妯娌们不再帮我婆婆洗衣服，所以我成了那个帮我婆婆洗衣服的人。只有在特殊场合，例如宗教节日或家庭聚会时，家里才会叫女佣来帮忙。我老公家境一般，但有很多人家更穷，她们会雇佣这些更穷的女人做佣人，而且工资很低。

We did not have servants in the house, my mother in law cooked and the daughters in law cleaned the house. Every family did their own laundry, but after I came there, no one of my sisters in law helped my mother in law with her laundry, so I was the one who did that for her. The family only called the helper in special occasion, such as in religious celebration and family gathering. My husband's family is not a rich family, they live moderately, but there are a lot of women who are more poor than my Pakistani family, they will hire the poor lady to work as a helper with very less salary.

我身心俱疲。

除了打扫房间和躺在床上，我无事可做。

I was tired mentally and physically.I did not have anything to do except cleaning the house and laying down on the bed.

我快要无聊死了，我很想我以前的生活。实际上，我是一个独立的女人，我从来没有抱怨过，也没有放弃过，但在白沙瓦，我再无自由；当老公来看我时，我跟他说一切我的问题，向他伸手要钱，用尽一切办法向他无理取闹，甚至要求离婚，但他百般安抚我，如大多数普什图人一样坚韧。

I was bored to death, I felt useless and was missing my carrier life so much. When my husband came to visit me, I told him about the dowry issue and I asked him for money pocket. Actually, I am an independent woman, and I never complained and gave up with my condition, but in Peshawar with my situation like that, my freedom will was blew up; I became more demanding to my husband when he came to visit me. I already reached my limit, but most Pashtun men are tough.

我跟我老公经常吵架，在巴基斯坦，夫妻之间吵架是一件很不好的事情，家里的人都让我冷静，不让我们离婚，因为吵架，婆家人对我的态度更差。每次打电话给在国内的妈妈，她叫我在巴基斯坦好好和公婆家人相处，我不敢告诉她我的一切，不想她为我担心。

Consequently, we had a lot of fight. Having a fight between married couple in Pakistan is not a good thing. The family members tried to calm us down to avoid the divorce, and my situation on my husband family’s eyes was not getting better even getting worse due to the fights that I had with my husband. Every time I called my mother, she asked me to be patient. I did not tell my mother my real situation in Pakistan because I did not want to make her worry about me.

女儿的出生，让我的生活好了点，她的到来，让我的生活充满了喜悦与希望。我婆婆像很多巴基斯坦婆婆一样，也希望生孙子，但她对女儿也还好，尽管对待孙子和孙女的差异我一眼就能看出来。我不想想未来，如果他们对我女儿不好，那么我会对她好的。我只希望，我老公能有一天可以把我和女儿带到他工作的地方，情况就会好很多。

At the time of my daughter was born, I was so delighted, she brought a happiness during my hard time. My husband was not there when she was born, and like the common Pakistani mother in law, my mother in law expected to have another grandson. My daughter was not a big issue for them, they were still happy but I knew the treatment could be different with other grandsons in the family. I did not want to think about that further, if they did not treat my daughter equally, then I would treat her fairly. I wished that my husband would bring me and my daughter to live with him outside Pakistan and my situation would be better.

婚后第二年，我老公以我的名义买了嫁妆，一些厨房用品，以及一个空调。

In the second year of my marriage,my husband bought jahez on my behalf.It was kitchen utensils, and an air conditioner.

他叫我告诉婆家人，这些东西是我爸爸寄钱来给我买的嫁妆。婆婆打那以后就非常高兴，其他妯娌也终于不再指指点点了。因为不是所有的房间都有空调，夏天的时候，所有人都来我房间，我没了半点隐私。在巴基斯坦，女人们经常斗争，我努力容忍着一切，不想在这个家搞任何麻烦。我爱我老公，不想让他在他家人和我之间两难。

He asked me to tell the family that my father sent me the money for my dowry. My mother in law was so happy at that time and since then, my sisters in law stopped gossiping about me. Not all rooms in the house had air conditioner, when summer came, my room became the favorite one to anybody, and I lost my privacy. I tried to deal with that because I did not want to cause any tensions in the house. I respected my husband, and I did not want to make him feel bad in his family because of me. I realized it needs politic tactic to live in Pakistani family peacefully. The fight between female family members is common in Pakistan.

两年的巴基斯坦生活，我渐渐找到了一些乐趣，我学了做饭，烤饼，以前我不喜欢做饭，但在白沙瓦，我差不多成了个巴基斯坦大厨，我从婆婆那学到了很多技巧，有时候做出来的东西比她做的还要好吃。

After spending two years in Pakistan, I finally found some fun. I learned to cook and bake, I was not a fan of cooking before, but in Peshawar, I became such an expert at Pakistani cuisine, I have learned a lot from my mother in law. Sometimes I cooked food more tasty than my mother in law. Seafood is not that popular in Pakistan, but in my hometown, it is very common.

现在我只想，老公能在UAE找个更好的工作，我和女儿能跟着他一起，离开巴基斯坦，那是我最期待的事情。在巴基斯坦的4年，我不怨恨我的生活。我老公的家人都是好人，但我不想我的生活像电视剧一样跌宕起伏了。在这么多人口的家里，想要没有冲突，实在太难了。

I think, when my husband got a better job in UAE and I moved out from Pakistan to follow him, it will be the most happiest moment that happened to me during my marriage lifetime in Pakistan, After 4 years living in Pakistan, actually, I do not hate my life in Pakistan. My husband’s family are good people too, but I do not think that I want more drama in my life. It is hard to avoid conflict if we have many people in the house.

巴基斯坦几乎全民信教，而伊斯兰教义，穆斯林只能和穆斯林结婚，所以中巴婚礼最大的问题首当其冲就是宗教。

要不要为爱入教，需要大家衡量衡量再衡量；其次，生的孩子要不要入教，这也是个令人难以取舍的问题。

另外，父母那关也困难。如果是中国女人嫁给巴基斯坦男人，那婚后多半是要去巴基斯坦生活的。试问下有几个父母愿意把女儿远嫁他国，以后想见一面都难。

跨国爱情也罢，异国情谊也可，此乃人类之精神追求所致，无可厚非。奉劝各位，自己的爱情只有自己最懂，爱了就爱了，散了就散了，既然敢于去爱，也要敢于面对种种不可知的结果。

-关于中巴婚姻风控的一点建议-

以下内容来自Agent

中巴婚姻在哪个国家结婚登记

在巴基斯坦登记对女方有利，巴基斯坦NADRA(National Database & Registration Authority)出具的英文结婚证明是被世界各国包括中国承认的合法有效婚姻证明。

优点：巴基斯坦的婚姻登记为合约形式，女方可在合约里依法写入相应条款以保障自身权利，比如对男方二次婚姻的约定等，具体内容会在下面详述；

NADRA的英文结婚证明在经巴基斯坦外务部公证，及中国驻巴基斯坦使领馆认证后, 与中国民政部开具的结婚证, 在中国具有同等法律效力；

女方在巴基斯坦的婚姻记录与国内民政部和公安户籍部门的数据库无联系，除非女方去公安户籍部门和计生部门更新婚姻状态信息，否则女方在中国无婚姻记录。(中国驻巴基斯坦使领馆只对巴基斯坦结婚证文件做认证，不连网更新国内的婚姻记录)

注意：

有发生多起在中国注册的中巴婚姻，巴男由于在巴基斯坦无结婚记录，又在当地再次结婚，(巴基斯坦法律规定第二次婚姻登记必须出示第一位妻子的同意书)也发生过多起巴男抛妻弃子玩失踪，导致中国妻子申请离婚或孩子入学困难重重；

更有多起巴男在巴已婚，伪造单身证明到中国登记结婚，在国内很难辨认巴国文件的真伪，伪造巴基斯坦外务部的公证章并非难事，而中国驻巴基斯坦使领馆的认证仅是认证文件的巴国出具部门的印章和签字属实，并不对文件内容负责！！！

在巴基斯坦结婚登记采用Court Marriage（法院结婚登记），这一形式最能保障中国妻子在巴基斯坦的法律权利。

Court marriage is solemnized before theMagistrate/Registrar of the area where both or any of the parties to such amarriage reside.

法院结婚登记由婚姻双方或任何一方居住地区的地方法官/书记官见证。

Documents required for Court Marriage（法院结婚登记所需文件）：

1、Male and female must provide the copies oftheir Passports, CNIC, “B” Form or Educational Certificates as a proof of theirage and other particulars.

男女双方的身份证或护照，表格“B”或学历证明，以证明其年龄和其他个人信息。

2、Affidavit of female regarding her FreeWill, Matrimonial Status and age (Affidavit must attest by justice of Peace,Special Magistrate or Oath Commissioner).

女方对自由意志，婚姻状况和年龄的宣誓书 (宣誓书必须由和平特别裁判官或宣誓专员认证)。

3、Affidavit of male regarding his MatrimonialStatus (Affidavit must attest by justice of Peace, Special Magistrate or OathCommissioner).

男方关于他的婚姻状况的宣誓书 (宣誓书必须由和平特别裁判官或宣誓专员认证)。

Permission of 2nd marriage: In case of 2ndmarriage the male has to provide the documents for permission of secondmarriage.

第二次婚姻许可：第二次婚姻时，男方必须提供第二次婚姻许可文件。

1、Photos of Female and Male: 6 Passports sizephotos of both male and female will be required to be affixed on documents.

男女双方照片：6 张护照照片, 粘贴在相关文件上。

2、2 Witnesses of marriage having CNIC orPassports for verification of their particulars.

2名证婚人的身份证或护照。

A divorced male and female must provide theCopy of the Divorce Certificate issued by the union council.

离异的男女方必须提供union council颁发的离婚证复印件。

If anyone is widow or widower they must provideDeath Certificate of deceased partner.

寡妇或鳏夫必须提供已故伴侣的死亡证明。

Court Marriage法院结婚登记流程

The girl has to appear before judicialofficer or oath commissioner to sworn through affidavit of her Free Will that she is sui juris andwith her own free will she is going to marry with a man of her own choice.

女方必须在司法官员或宣誓专员见证下宣誓，她是具有完全的行为能力的主权人, 她自愿与她自己选择的人结婚。

That after scrutiny of the requireddocumentation their Nikah/Marriage will be performed and registered in theconcerned union council. The Nikah Registrar will prepare and issue Nikah Namaand the Secretary of Union Council will issue a Computerized MarriageCertificate.

1、所需文件审核完毕后，他们的Nikah /签署结婚合约将在Union Counci进行并登记。

2、Nikah注册司将准备和签发NikahNama结婚合约，Union Council秘书将发给电脑打印的结婚证书(乌尔都语)。

3、之后, 凭Union Council的乌尔都语结婚证书到NADRA电脑打印英文结婚证书.再到巴基斯坦外务部公证NADRA的英文结婚证书；

4、到中国驻巴基斯坦使领馆认证巴基斯坦外务部公证过的NADRA的英文结婚证书;

如去第三国，则到该国驻巴基斯坦使领馆认证。

至此, 该英文结婚证书全球通用。

建议同时在巴基斯坦外务部公证Nikah Nama结婚合约，下面我会讲明原因。

注：Court Marriage通过司法程序极大的降低了巴男骗婚的可能性。

女方如何拟订Nikah Nama结婚合约(法律合约)的条款

拟定商业制式的Nikah Nama结婚合约条款可以有效保障女方在婚姻中的权利。

首先涉外婚姻可以要求签署乌尔都语和英语双语版本的Nikah Nama, 或乌尔都语版Nikah Nama附其英文翻译件。

Nikah Nama 1-6 项男女双方个人信息

Nikah Nama 7-11项一个主婚人两个证婚人三方个人信息，及嫁妆明细(如有嫁妆)。

建议：如愿意准备嫁妆，女方应保留所有购买单据，并在此处填写相关信息。

Nikah Nama 12-17项haq mehr — an obligatory gift given by the groom to his bride，in consideration of the marriage. 男方聘金

Points 12 to 17 of the document elucidatethe details of the amount that the families havemutually agreed upon, which canbe paid in the form of cash, gold or any other valuable item.

男方聘金和金额

建议：写明银行美金转帐至你的国内个人帐户。(多有发生中国女孩要黄金首饰的，结果离开时被男方家扣留，巴女也同样遭遇，诉诸法庭那是场持久战，而且大量黄金现钞在离境时不便携带。)

Nikah Nama 18项

the chief right of a married woman: ie theright to a divorce (Talaq-e-Tafweez)

女方申请离婚的权利

the Marriage Family Law Ordinance(MFLO),the husband may delegate the right to his wife by specifying it inclause 18. Having the right protects a woman and offers a way out if her marriageisn’t working. If the related section is left unfilled, she must take the matterto court and file for a khula from the Family Courts of Law, also known as adissolution of marriage by way ofjudicial divorce. Unfortunately, a khula denies one of the advantage of thehaq mehr, placing them at a financialdisadvantage that dissuades many women from seeking it. You must decide whether you want to retainthe clause which would entitle you to receive your mehr incase you ever need toinitiate a divorce.

简单说就是：女方应在这里要求写明自己有首先提出离婚的权利，如果这一项留白，那么女方只能申请法庭离婚，而这种情况下的离婚将不能得到男方的经济补偿。

Other clauses and supporting documentation 其他附加条款（非常重要！！！)

There are various other clauses and documentswhich you can include in your nikahnama.

你可以添加任何符合巴基斯坦法律的条款，这些条款在婚姻存续其间，离婚时和离婚后具有其相应的法律效力。

建议：

约定你们婚姻存续其间为一夫一妻制，如男方要求二婚，你有权申请离婚并要求赔偿，注明赔偿金额和方式-你并不能通过Nikah Nama阻止男方二婚，因为巴基斯坦法律允许多妻制，法律要求男方二婚时出示第一任妻子或仲裁委员会的同意书，但很多人不通过Court Marriage登记，直接Nikah从而跳过"同意书"这一要求。

当然第一任妻子可以依法起诉，但是根据今年颁布的法令，未经第一任妻子同意的二婚，男方判处一年以下有期徒刑。上周刚判的一个案例，男方获刑六个月，并处约合两千美金罚款。基本毫无意义，所以建议中国女生约定经济赔偿并离婚.约定离婚后孩子抚养权和抚养费。

约定婚姻存续其间男方应付你的生活津贴，注意这不是生活费用，是除生活费以外的津贴，可以理解为国内的家庭主妇工资，包括你哺乳期的哺乳津贴，以及分居或离婚后的赡养费最终，乌尔都语和英语双语版本的Nikah Nama(或乌尔都语版NikahNama附其英文翻译件)，送巴基斯坦外务部公证，至此该和约在全世界范围内有效。

注意：Nikah Nama不是单纯的结婚证明，而是结婚合约，是合同，受合同法保护！！！

居住在集中营 Joint Family Yes or No?

建议：NO NO NO !!!

Joint Family矛盾多，不自由，隐私得不到保护，这些都不可怕。这一家庭体制的最可怕处是——

1、你不能维护你自己的合法权利！

2、没有婚后共同财产，没有财产继承，因为房产家产是家族公有的，如果你离婚，净身出户(除了Nikah Nama约定的聘金和赡养费)；

3、如果你老公过世，而又没有已成年儿子，那要么你留在那里继续让他们养着，你要离开，净身出户；

4、如果你老公二婚，而你又不想离婚，那你就和二奶同一屋檐下吧，如果此时你和老公是单独居住的，而你又不想离婚，你可以合法要求禁止二奶居住在你的居所。

巴基斯坦女人嫁入Joint Family的，命运就不能掌握在自己手中了，这也就是为什么巴基斯坦不少女方家庭准备婚房的原因。

当然你可以幻想男方家人是天使般善良，然而事实往往是在利益面前，人性往往不堪一击。

这些建议不能保证你的中巴婚姻幸福，但至少能很大程度上帮你避免不幸，记住控制人生的风险，不是谁比谁善良，而是谁更懂规则！

而这只是中巴婚姻所有困难的开始！不是说中巴婚姻没有幸福的，而是你要为此付出的努力和牺牲远远高出国内的婚姻！