【纽约时报精读】跨国婚姻如何幸福？|163

原文译文

Foreign Spouse, Happy Life
外国配偶，幸福生活 1. A few years ago, my husband and I went to a restaurant on a Friday night. The Aperol spritzes had just arrived — we lived in Geneva, where the language is French and the cocktails are Italian — when a man I didn’t know approached our table. He started talking. My husband chatted back. On the sidelines, I limbered up my “bonsoir”s and “enchantée”s. But I never got the call-up. The man walked off, and I remained an unidentified sitting object — mute, anonymous, peeved . “Why didn’t you introduce me?” I asked my husband. “Why would I?” he replied. “That wouldn’t be normal.” “Yeah, if you want your acquaintances to think you were out to dinner with a prostitute.” “I barely know him.”

几年前一个周五的晚上，我和丈夫去一家餐厅吃饭。阿贝罗酒刚上桌——我们住在日内瓦，那里说法语，而阿贝罗是一种意大利鸡尾酒——一个我不认识的男人走近我们坐的餐桌。他开始说话，丈夫和他聊了起来。我在旁边用法语说了几次“晚上好”和“很高兴认识你”，准备加入他们的交谈。但一直没人理我。那个男人走开了，对于他来说，我仍然只是旁边坐着的一个身份不明的人——默不作声、姓名不详、面露不悦。 “你为什么不介绍我?”我问丈夫。 “为什么要介绍你?”他回答说。“那样就不正常了。” “好吧，如果你想让熟人以为你和一个妓女在外面吃饭的话。” “我不认识他。”
2. My husband, I had to remind myself, is a courteous person. He is not a misogynist , a narcissist , a bigamist or any other agent noun that would predispose him to freezing his wife out of a conversation. As far as our prospects for cultural misunderstanding go, however, it’s worse than that: He’s French.

我必须提醒自己，我丈夫是一个有礼貌的人。他不歧视女性，不自恋，也没有重婚，不具有任何一种会让他把妻子排除在谈话之外的倾向。不过，就我们对文化误解的预期而言，情况比这些更糟：他是法国人。
3. I never would have guessed I’d become one of the more than four million Americans married to a foreigner when we met, six years ago, at a party in London. That was awkward, too: I thrust out my hand, saying, “Hi, I’m Lauren!” I would learn, much later, that French people have their own set of rules for making introductions. At social events in Paris, where we now live, kisses are exchanged before names. “Je m’appelle” as an icebreaker is strictly academic.
六年前，我们在伦敦的一个聚会上相识，当时，我从没想过自己会成为400多万名与外国人结婚的美国人中的一员。当时的情景也很尴尬：我伸出手说：“嗨，我是劳伦！”很久之后，我才知道，法国人有自己的一套介绍规则。在我们现在居住的巴黎的社交活动中，在交换名字之前要先亲吻对方。“我叫某某”只是一种理论上的打破僵局的方式。 4. In the small, proudly un-cosmopolitan town in North Carolina where I grew up, the definition of exogamy was marrying someone from New Jersey. Our family trees grew in neat orchards of demographic similitude . Our parents, like their parents — the odd war bride aside — had paired off with people who were their mirror images.
我成长在北卡罗来纳州的一个以不国际化而自豪的小镇上，在那里，“与外族通婚”指的是与新泽西州的人结婚。我的家族图谱种族相似性极高。我们的父母和他们的父母一样——除了奇怪的战时婚姻——都是跟与他们极为相似的人结婚的。

5. This was a function of time as much as place. There was no internet. There was no weekend in Reykjavik. The United States Census Bureau began to take note of “mixed nativity” marriages only in 2013. But for the past four decades, multicultural marriages — interracial , interethnic and interreligious — have been increasing, with at least 7 percent of married-couple households now including one native and one foreign-born spouse. In California, Nevada, Hawaii and the District of Columbia, the rate is about double that. This is not just an American phenomenon. In 25 out of 30 European countries, for example, mixed-nativity marriage is on the rise, with the proportion, in some cases, reaching up to 20 percent.
这跟时间和地点有关。当时没有互联网。没有去雷克雅未克度周末这回事。美国人口普查局（The United States Census Bureau）从2013年才开始关注“跨出生地”婚姻。但在过去的40年里，跨文化婚姻——跨种族、跨民族和跨宗教的婚姻——一直在增加，现在至少有7%的已婚夫妇是一个本国人和一个外国出生的配偶。在加州、内华达州、夏威夷和哥伦比亚特区，这个比例大约是14%。这不是美国仅有的现象。例如，在30个欧洲国家中，有25个国家的跨出生地婚姻呈上升趋势，在某些国家，比例已上升到20%。
6. Studies have suggested that multicultural marriages are a tricky undertaking, with higher rates of divorce. There are psychotherapists who specialize in multicultural couples counseling. I imagine that they must occasionally zone out during the telling of yet another tale of mistranslation, homesickness, conflicting traditions, fuzzy communication or visa woes. （Obtaining the proper paperwork can be particularly difficult for same-sex binational couples.） Trouble lurks in the quotidian in multicultural partnerships. Trying to decide on the appropriate hour for dinner — in France, 9 p.m. is par — has caused more drama in our household than the more universal stumbling blocks of what to name our daughter and where to live. There are certain pleasures we’ll never share, like eating cold pizza for breakfast.
研究表明，跨文化婚姻很难维持，离婚率比较高。有些心理治疗师专门提供跨文化夫妻咨询。我想他们在倾听一个又一个关于误译、乡愁、相互冲突的传统、含糊的沟通或签证麻烦的故事时，偶尔也会觉得头晕脑胀（对于跨国同性伴侣来说，获得适当的文书尤为困难）。对跨文化夫妻来说，日常生活中也潜伏着各种问题。在法国，晚上9点是最合适的晚餐时间，这在我们家庭中引发的小题大做超过了其他一些更常见的障碍，比如，给女儿起什么名字，住在哪里。还有一些乐趣是我们永远无法分享的，比如，早餐吃冷批萨。 7. But for every ease that multicultural marriage takes away it offers an enrichment. Authentic recipes （hint: throw a “couenne de lard” — raw pork rind — in that “daube de boeuf”）, spare passports, children who can bounce between two languages without ever once having drilled themselves on first-group verbs.
不过，跨文化婚姻能带来多少麻烦，就能给生活添加多少色彩。你可以得到原汁原味的食谱（小窍门：在法式慢炖牛肉中加点生猪肉皮）和备用护照；孩子们在学习第一组动词之前就可以在两种语言之间来回切换。 8. There’s freedom in carving out your own way of doing things. You have to think, hard, about your priorities when you can’t simply default to a shared norm. For me, learning French has been a profound gift; just being able to read the news in another language is like discovering that your house has an extra room you never knew existed. When you make a family with someone from another country, you get double the music, double the movies, double the teams to pull for, double the holidays. You travel. Your parents travel.
你可以自由地塑造自己的做事方式。如果你不确定某种方式是不是默认的共有规范，就必须认真思考自己的优先事项。对我来说，学习法语是一件很有意义的事，能用另一种语言阅读新闻就像发现房子里还有一个你从来不知道的房间一样。当你和来自另一个国家的人组建家庭时，你会得到双倍的音乐，双倍的电影，双倍要支持的球队，以及双倍的节日。你经常旅行。你的父母也经常旅行。

9. “It is prone to problems, but the chances for a rewarding relationship are better than average,” the authors of a Finnish report on binational marriage concluded. This rings true to me. Anyone who risks a life with someone outside of his in-group — not only across lines of nationality, but also those of religion, race and class — becomes a participant, whether he knows it or not, in a global experiment in developing empathy . The awareness and negotiation of small differences add up to a larger understanding about the complexities of the world.

“这很容易导致问题，但它成就一段回报丰厚的婚姻的可能性也高于平均水平，”芬兰的一份关于跨国婚姻的报告总结道。我认同这个结论。任何一位冒险与自己圈子之外的人结婚的人——不仅是跨国籍，还包括跨宗教、跨种族和跨阶级——都在有意无意中参与一个培养同理心的全球性实验。对细微差异的认识和协商使我们对世界的复杂性有了更多的了解。
10. The day that my husband and I marched alongside more than three million of his countrymen in the wake of the Charlie Hebdo attacks, I understood, in my bones, why a “rassemblement” isn’t exactly a rally, or a protest; that the flag doesn’t signal the same thing to the French as it does to Americans; that each society has its ways of expressing patriotism, belonging and grief. I’ve tried to remember this recently as my husband and I have butted heads over the meaning of the burkini. I’m thankful that we’re forced to. It’s far more difficult to dismiss difference when it’s sitting across the dinner table — even if it occasionally neglects to introduce you.

《查理周刊》（Charlie Hebdo）袭击事件发生后，我和丈夫与他的300多万同胞一起游行，那时我深刻地明白了，为什么法语中的“集合”（rassemblement）不完全等同于英语中的“集会”或“抗议”；国旗对法国人的意义跟对美国人的意义不同；每个社会都有自己表达爱国、归属感和悲伤的方式。前不久，我和丈夫对布基尼（burkini，为穆斯林妇女设计的泳衣——编注）的意义产生分歧时，我努力记起这一点。我很感激我们必须这么做。当面对面坐在餐桌边时，你更难忽略这些差异——即使它会偶尔忽略介绍你。

精读解析

篇章结构 P1—P3： 由丈夫和一个陌生人之间的交谈、和丈夫的相遇故事引出：跨国婚姻中夫妻之间存在很多文化上不一样的地方。 P4—P5： “我”成长在一个小镇，那里的人们都是和当地人结婚，但是，随着社会发展，跨国（跨文化）婚姻越来越多。 P6—P9： 跨文化婚姻中存在很多问题，同时，也能给生活带来很多不一样的色彩。 P10： 回到自己的例子，跨国婚姻需要正视差异。
重点单词 spritz /sprits/ n. 喷,细的喷流v. 喷【例句】 She spritzed her neck with cologne. 她往脖子上喷了些古龙香水。
limber up （使）变柔软；在剧烈运动前作准备活动【例句】 Baseball players do exercises at the beginning of the season in order to limber themselves up. 棒球选手在球季开始时做练习，以使身体灵活。
mute /mjut/ adj. 缄默的; 无声的；哑的, 不会说话的【例句】 There are several reasons for muted enthusiasm. 顾客热情不高事出有因。
anonymous /'nnms/ adj. 无名的, 不具名的【例句】 The president is said to receive an anonymous letter yesterday. 听说总裁昨天收到一封匿名信。

peeved /pivd/ adj. 恼怒的；不高兴的【例句】 What we are looking forward today is evidence that Donald Trump has peeved that the anti-Trump forces in the Republican Party are impeding his progress towards the Republican nomination. 党内“反特”运动正在对特朗普的提名之路形成阻碍，特朗普对此极为愤怒。
misogynist /misdinist/ n. 厌恶女人的人【例句】 You've given the reader the distinct impression that I'm a misogynist. 你给读者鲜明的感觉就是我厌恶女人。
narcissist /nɑ:'sisist/ n. 自我陶醉者；自恋的人【例句】 But then it turnedut she really was just a vapid narcissist. 但结果证实她只是个无趣自恋狂。
bigamist /'bɡmst/ n. 重婚者【例句】 Neither of them is underage or bigamists and they married of their own free will, so I don't know how they can ask for an annulment. 他们俩既非未成年，也不是重婚。他们属于自由结婚，所以我不知道他们为何要解除。 similitude /s'mltjud/ n. 相似；外表；比拟【例句】 Thus, the sperm whale and the humpbacked whale, each has a hump; but there the similitude ceases. Then this same humpbacked whale and the Greenland whale, each of these has baleen; but there again the similitude ceases. 再说, 这种座头鲸和格陵兰鲸也都各有鲸须;然而, 它们之间的类似之处, 又是只此而已。至于以上所提到的其它部分也是如此。
exogamy /k'sgm/ n. 异族结婚；异系交配【例句】 For two millennia, exogamy was a major transgression for Jews. 两千年来，异族通婚一直是犹太人的一大禁忌。
cosmopolitan /kzm'plt()n/ adj. 世界性的；国际化的【例句】 Immigration transformed the city into a cosmopolitan metropolis. 移民将该城变成了一个国际性都市。 interreligious /ntr'lds/ adj. 各宗教间的【例句】 What primarily concerns us about the interreligious ceremony in the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. is the level of naivety in the West. 我们对于在华盛顿特区的国家大教堂举行的跨宗教仪式的最大忧虑，是西方天真的程度。
multicultural /mlt'klt()r()l/ adj. 多种文化的；反映多种文化的；适合于多种文化的【例句】 Multicultural companies in search of profits are destroying their habitats. 跨国公司为谋求利益破坏他们的原始环境。
interracial /nt're()l/ adj. 人种间的,人种混合的【例句】 But among the various solutions to the problem, the interracial marriage has its own benefits. 但是在解决这一问题的过程中，每对跨国交往的情侣都能从中各有所获。
interethnic /int'reθnik/ adj. 不同种族间的【例句】 At least 16 people have been killed in interethnic clashes in the southeast of Democratic Republic of Congo in a row over a disputed caterpillar tax. 刚果民主共和国南部因有争议的毛虫税而发生种族间冲突，至少16人死亡。 default /d'flt/ vi. 违约; 拖欠债务；弃权n. 违约; 缺席; 拖欠；弃权【例句】 He lost the tennis match by default. 他因不出场而输了网球赛。 empathy /'empθ/ n. <心>移情作用;同感;共鸣【例句】 We also build empathy for the robots themselves. 我们也会建立对机器人本身的同理心。