巴黎雷欧《情绪管理十二讲》（第2版）-第三讲：决策，可能是伪装的逃避|巴黎雷欧|情绪管理十二讲|戴尔|法国|翻译

《情绪管理十二讲》（第二版）

注：华文由法文翻译而来

《情绪管理十二讲》巴黎雷欧（YouZHi Ren）著

原书名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金钥匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷欧著

内容简介

这是一本从非常别致的角度解析情绪管理的著作，是从作者的系列心理学讲座中挑选出来的。巴黎雷欧（李由、任由之）的系列心理学讲座，在法国、美国青年中颇受欢迎，特试译为中文版本。

巴黎雷欧著有《简明国际商务》（欧盟版）《法国现代书画艺术评论》（英文版3卷）和《雷欧带你认识法国》《雷欧带你认识巴黎》等书籍。

由于巴黎雷欧现系巴黎远东文化艺术协会负责人，巴黎雷欧艺术馆及版权交易机构负责人，工作繁忙，此译本尚未得巴黎雷欧先生审阅，特此说明。

第三讲决策，可能是伪装的逃避

城市传说告诉我们，我们在生活中经常使用逃避的方法，并从中获得愉快。因此，这就是为什么我们如此热衷于逃避而不是积极地去处理我们生活中的真正问题的主要原因。

现在，让我来告诉你，为什么我们在生活中经历的艰苦决策过程也很可能是一种逃避。

这种城市神话的危险是显而易见的。如果我们深信，逃避是一种令人愉快的困扰，我们无法摆脱，那么我们会认为，我们正在面对真正的问题，只要目前的经验是不愉快的。虽然这个理论有一定的道理，但我们远远没有看到全貌。

故事是从我很小的时候，11到12岁之间开始的。

我的家庭购买了我们的第一台家用电脑，它的功能非常强大，在那个时代。从那时起，我就痴迷于电脑硬件了。当我上高中的时候，我们的电脑很旧了，我梦寐以求的是更新的和更强大的笔记本电脑。我一直阅读电脑杂志，查看广告和最新的配置，并想象一旦我得到它们我会做什么。直到今天，我还是会每天在工作中不断地查看IT新闻网站。

到目前为止，看起来没有什么异常，对吧？等等，还有更多。

我想，你们都可以说，你看东西越多，就越想抓住它们。这正是电子消费行业的运作方式。你真的需要所有的小玩意儿吗？你真的需要每年更新吗？答案是，我们不喜欢它的期望，我们是否定它的促销的。所以，我的痴迷不仅仅是检查最新的PC产品，而是一直在计划购买。当谈到一个新的笔记本电脑的千欧元购买决定，我会花很多时间比较和分析市场上更好的选择。当然，我也有一种冲动，经常购买一种新产品。

给你一个例子，在过去的两年里，我扣下了不少于5到6个苹果、Think Pad和戴尔等全新笔记本电脑的扳机。你可能会认为，在这么短的时间内，PC购物太多了。我完全同意你的看法，所以，我已经退还了所有的产品，感谢他们方便的退货政策。

现在事情变得有点失控了，对吧？起初，我认为这是一种强制性的行为，我必须妥善处理。过了一段时间，我想，我可能会对一个电脑硬件上瘾。我甚至在网上寻求帮助，看看是否有其他人和我一样。令我大吃一惊的是，在一些以怪癖为导向的论坛上，我看到人们发表文章，征求他们对类似痴迷的忠告。

现在，事情看起来有些清楚。你可能认为我需要咨询治疗师来治疗我的这种强制行为。我想完全一样，直到我发现另一个隐藏的模式，完全震撼了我。

有一天，我正因为冲动购买懊悔而返回最新的MacBook Pro（至少我是这么认为的），突然有一道亮光击中了我。我发现，在我购买笔记本电脑之前，有一件事是很常见的：我的生活中出现了某种危机，尤其是情绪上的沮丧。这是关键，改变了我看待这种不断购买昂贵笔记本电脑的强制行为的方式。

由于我的个性，我的每次购买，会驱使我的大脑榨取最后一滴果汁，电脑对我来说是一个长期的个人私有物品。这两者的结合，使我的大脑全速旋转，一到三天都不会停止。

现在，我想每个人都清楚，我每一次购买笔记本电脑的冲动，都是一种逃避机制，以避免我前一天遭受的疼痛和伤口。我没有找到一个合适的方法来对待他们，因为缺乏情感和技能，我只是把自己融入了一个新的笔记本电脑的决策过程中。我的决策，对脑力而言，是如此的沉重，所以我没有时间或精力去思考其他的事情。此外，也没有“逃生”的标签写在它上面，它就像玩电子游戏，或马拉松跑、肥皂剧等一样耗神了。

现在，如果你会原谅我，我会去玩一些游戏，用我的新戴尔XPS 15笔记本电脑，我写这篇文章用的也是它。

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Urban legend tells that the escape we tend to use in our life is what we find pleasant and enjoyable. Thus, it is the main reason that why we are so engaged in our escape instead of working on the real issues in our lives. However, I would disagree.

Let me show you why the painstaking decision-making process we experience in life could very well be an escape as well.

The danger of this urban myth is so obvious. If we are very convinced that an escape is a pleasant obsession that we are unable to be rid of, we’ll then think that we are confronting the real issue as long as the current experience is not enjoyable. Although there’s some truth in this theory, it is very far from getting the whole picture.

All started when I was very young, between 11 and 12 years old.

My family bought our very first home computer with powerful components of that era. Since then, I’m obsessed with computer hardware. When I got to high school, our computer got really old and I dreamt getting newer and more powerful laptops. I would read computer magazines all the time, checking the advertisements and the most to date configurations, and visualizing what I would do once I got them. Until today, I would constantly check the IT news websites everyday even at work.

So far, looks that there’s nothing abnormal, right? Hold on, there’s more.

I think you can all relate that the more you look at something, the more you want to get hold on them. This is exactly how the consumer electronic industry works. Do you really need all that gadgets you got? Do you really need to update every year? The answer, as much as we don’t like it, is no. So, my obsession goes beyond simply checking the newest PC products but planning to buy them all the time. When it comes to serval thousand euros purchasing decision for a new laptop, I would spend a lot of time comparing and analyzing the better choices on the market. And naturally, I have the urge to buy a new product a bit too often.

To give you an example, for the past 2 years, I pulled the trigger for no less than 5 or 6 brand-new laptops from Apple, Thinkpad, and Dell, etc. You may think that this is way too much PC shopping for such a short time. I totally agree with you, except that I have returned all of them thanks to no hassle return policy these days.

Now things are getting a bit out of control, right? At first, I thought that this was some sort of compulsory behavior that I’ll have to deal with properly. Sometime later, I thought that I might have a computer hardware addiction, I even sought help online, to see if there’re other people just like me. To my great surprise, on some geek-oriented forums, I do see people posting article asking for advice over their similar obsession.

Now, things look somewhat clear. You may think that what I need was to consult a therapist to treat this compulsory behavior of mine. I thought exactly the same, until I discovered another hidden pattern that completely shocked me.

One day, I was returning the latest Macbook Pro due to impulse buy remorse (or at least I thought so), a light suddenly hit me. I saw that there was one thing in common before each impulse laptop purchase that I made: I had some sort of crisis in my life, especially emotional frustration. And this is the key realization that has changed my way of viewing this so called compulsory behavior of constantly buying expensive laptops.

Due to my personality, each purchase I make would drive my brain to squeeze the last drop of its juice, and computers are a long term personal fetish for me. So the combination of these two makes my brain turn at full speed none stop exclusive on this subject for 1 to 3 days.

Now I think it’s clear for everyone that each of my impulse shopping for laptops was an escape mechanism for me to avoid the pain and wound I received just the day before. Instead of find a way to treat them properly, due to lack of emotional skills, I just merged myself in a perfect escape of decision-making process of shopping a new laptop. It is so taxing on brain power so I didn’t have any time or strength to think about anything else. Moreover, it does not have the label of “escape” written all over it like playing video games, or marathon run of soap opera, etc.

Now, if you would excuse me, I’ll go play some games on my brand new Dell XPS 15 laptop that I wrote this article on.

情绪管理十二讲LéoParis –巴黎雷欧目录

（中文译本未经巴黎雷欧审阅）

第一讲轻松成功，有秘诀吗？

第二讲给你的“自律”放个假

第三讲决策，可能是伪装的逃避

第四讲成功的关键在于效率

第五讲毒性人格，为何不能正常诠释

第六讲情感脱节，一个危险的症状

第七讲情绪化，恰恰是因为缺乏感性

第八讲强烈感觉与自我意识

第九讲治愈厌倦，参与周围的环境

第十讲不要让你喜欢的东西杀死你

第十一讲社交障碍治疗——消除隔离

第十二讲乐趣和成功之间的差距

Paris gold Key巴黎金钥匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to successwith efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

巴黎雷欧：GLC（Galerie Leo et Co）创始人，著有《国际谈判哲学》（法文版）《国际谈判实务》（华文版，多家考研机构参考书）《跨国公司内部谈判效益论析》（法文版）《法国现代书画艺术评论》（英文版3 卷）《远东文化艺术》（法文&华文）《情绪管理十二讲》（英文版&华文版）和《雷欧带你认识法国》（英文版）《雷欧带你认识巴黎》（英文版）等书籍（学习微：LeorenFR）。