老外看东西:老外想要中国绿卡?别搞笑了！|戒烟|老外看东西

本期单词：

Emi vs immi:移居出境vs移居入境——你知道老外有多羡慕中国？想来中国生活吗？其实…也就还好啦！

Cut it out: 停止做…——史上最严禁烟令6月起实施，当你发现他人在禁烟区域吸烟，你该怎么办？

Zinger：巧言妙语的侮辱——当美国奥巴马和英国卡梅伦同台对垒，谁的幽默感更胜一筹？>>>

详细剧本：

Stu:

Hello and welcome to Laowai Kandongxi.

大家好，欢迎收看《老外看东西》

Now many people have said that the reason why I say the word Laowai wrong is because I’m doing it on purpose, but I'm not.

现在很多人都在讲，我故意发不好“老外”这个词的读音，实则不然呐

Because I actually just can’t speak Chinese very well, so in order to help me learn that and to help you learn English I’m joined once again by the wonderful Ali.

真正的原因是因为我中文说得好烂，所以呢，为了帮助我说好中文，同时也为了帮助大家学好英语，我们再次邀请无与伦比的艾力！

Ali:

Yeah！.

耶！

Stu:

So how do I say...?

那这几个字的正确读法是什么呢？

Ali:

Laowai Kandongxi.

老外看东西

Stu:

Laowai Kandongxi.

老外（wǎi）看东西（囧）

Ali:

Laowai Kandongxi. Say it in a sexy way man, Laowai Kandongxi.

是“老外看东西”，你要以一种性感的方式说出来，老外看东西

Stu:

Laowai Kandongxi. It’s an English show. Let's go to the first term.

老外（wǎi）看东西（囧）。在英语脱口秀中这种事情不重要啦，我们还是来看今天要学习的第一个词组吧

Ali:

Yes, we should do that.

没错，正事优先

Emi. Vs. Immi.

Stu:

So, our first term today, Emi. vs. Immi. Or Immi vs. Emi. Of course not words on their own. I am of course referring to…

所以我们今天要学的第一个单词就是Emi对Immi. 或者Immi对Emi. 当然从字面上看不出是啥意思，那这个词的意思其实是...

Ali:

Is it a girl’s name?

是个女孩的名字么？

Stu:

I am of course referring to?

那这个词的意思其实是（看来我请错人了）...

Ali:

Eminem, oh yo yo yo man, ok so we should like rap battle. No? Not that?

艾米纳姆（白人Rap音乐代表人物），哟哟哟哟，我们来比比谁的舌头跑得溜？我搞错了？不是他？

Stu:

Emigrate versus Immigrate.

这两个词分别是Emigrate（移居外国）和 Immigrate（移居入境）

Ali:

Oh yes, exactly. That’s actually what I was thinking about.

对对对，英雄所见略同

Stu:

Yeah… Anyway, can you explain the difference between the two?

真能装，那你能顺便解释下这两者之间的区别么？

Ali:

Of course. Well to emigrate means to leave one’s own country and to live in someone else’s country. And to immigrate means to live permanently in the other places. For example Stuart you immigrated to China but you emigrated from Britain.

当然啦， emigrate（移居外国）的意思是着离开自己的国家，去别的国家定居。而immigrate（移居入境）则意味着在其他地方永久居住。比如，司徒你就是从英国移居出来，然后来到中国定居

Stu:

Right, got it. But that’s not entirely true because I don’t have a green card.

哦，原来如此。似乎也不全对啊，因为我还木有绿卡呢

Ali:

Ah. You don't have a green card? But any foreigners can have a green card. Do you have a green card in China?

啊，你没有绿卡？可外国人有获得绿卡这一说法么，天朝也发绿卡？

Stu:

Well, it’s funny you should mention green cards actually, well I mentioned it, because there was recently an article in Netease, called 你知道老外有多羡慕中国生活吗？and apparently every non-Chinese person wants to leave their own country and come to China.

好的，有趣的是你提到了绿卡，其实是我提到的，因为最近网易上发表了一篇文章，叫《你知道老外有多羡慕中国生活吗？》，显然你们眼中的歪果仁对中国可谓是趋之若鹜啊

Ali:

Oh really?

真的么？

Stu:

No not really, but this person recently applied for a green card.

这么明显的玩笑你也当真？不过这个人最近确实在申请绿卡

That of course was Stephon Marbury, who most Chinese people are aware of.

这位是斯蒂芬·马布里，在中国基本称得上家喻户晓了

Ali:

That’s right. The former NBA player, who came to China, made a name for himself with the basketball team Beijing Ducks and

没错，这位来到中国的前NBA球员。因为在北京首钢篮球队的出色表现，打响了自己的名号，

people even built sa tatue for this guy. We only build statues for great guy like Chairman Mao and now we buildtthis one for a foreigner. It’s amazing. So Stu, how have the Chinese people responded to you?

人们甚至为他打造了一尊雕像。我们不仅仅为伟大的人物比如毛主席建造雕像，现在外国人的雕塑也要出现在我们神州大地上了啦。真了不起，司徒，话说你享受到了来自中国人民的何种待遇啊？

Stu:

They’ve been very nice actually.

实际上他们对我一直很友好

Ali:

Ok. So have they built a statue for you?

不错哦，那他们为你建雕像了么？

Stu:

No.

木有

Ali:

Oh sorry to hear that.

这人比人，气死人呐

But just to make you feel a little bit more comfortable, I think the artists, it’s difficult for them to capture your very weird facial features,

不过你也别太难过，我觉得那些艺术家们是被你怪异的面部特征给难坏咯，所以才没给你建雕像

so people do like you ok, just excuse them.

其实你还是深受广大人民群众的喜爱哒，你不要太计较哈

It’s just physically impossible to build a statue for you. Anyway I'm going to build one for you man, I'm going to build one for you.

你自己长得太抽象而已，那么具体的东西根本没法表达你的相貌。不过呢，我倒是愿意去接受这项挑战，给你造一个塑像。

True love, man-to-man love, ok.

这方能体现我对你的真爱，好基友之爱。

Anyway. What about the things that attract the foreigners here, to China?

言归正传，中国还有神马东东在吸引着你们这些外国人呢？

Stu:

Well, there’s a lot of tasty food here, it’s very affordable and cheap.

嗯...这里有着很多美食，价钱公道，量又足

That’s one of the main things. Um there’s lots of natural beauty spots, such as Yunnan, Harbin, Heilongjiang, Inner Mongolia, your hometown province of Xinjiang.

当然，这只是主要原因之一。此外这里还有许许多多美丽的自然风景，比如云南、哈尔滨、黑龙江、内蒙古，还有你的家乡新疆。

Ali:

Yes.

是啊

Stu:

Very varied. Uh what else. There’s lots of opportunities as well. For example I’m highly under-qualified and I got this job.

太多好玩的地方了，而且这里的机会遍地都是。就拿我来说吧，像我这种超级废柴也能在这里找到如此体面的工作

Ali:

OK, how about the girls?

嗯（等着扣工资吧你）。你觉得这里的菇凉如何？

Stu:

Yeah, the girls too, and the boys.

没错没错，菇凉们美美哒，小伙们帅帅哒

Ali:

Yeah, the boys as well. If you like boys and girls and anyway.

是的，还有小伙们。如果你菇凉小伙统统都爱的话

How about the bad things in China?

那你觉得中国有哪些不好的地方呢？

Stu:

I uh, you know I can’t actually talk about the bad things. Because if they hear me criticize China, they’ll hate me and post lots of comments online like这个老外应该去死吧.

介个...这个坑我不能跳。一旦让我的中国粉丝听到我说中国的不好，他们肯定会讨厌我的，然后会在我们的栏目中留下很多类似“这个老外去死吧”这样的评论

Ali:

这个老外去死吧... Alright ok. So we should probably not say that. So Stuart, how about the bad things about china?

好有心机的司徒...那就算啦。司徒啊，你来谈谈中国有哪些方面不够好吧？

Stu:

I should probably say something like… There are no bad things!

你非要这么问的话，我的答案是...完美无瑕！

Ali:

Yeah, no bad things. So we can still do the show.

好吧，马屁拍得好响，真是入乡随俗了。看来我们这个节目还做得下去

Stu:

That should work.

这才是正道...

Ali:

Ok, no problem. Next term.

好吧，不为难你啦。来看下个词组

CUT IT OUT

Stu：:

Our next term today is cut it out, which means STOP DOING THAT!

我们接下来要学习的词组就是“cut it out”（别这样，省省吧）

它的意思是“别这样！”

Ali:

I’m not doing anything.

我木有做啥啊

Stu:

No, I mean the next term means STOP DOING THAT!

不是，我的意思是这个词组的意思是“别这样做” ！

Ali:

I’m not doing anything!

可我明明什么都没做啊！

Stu:

No! I mean today’s term cut it out basically means stop doing that.

不是！我是说，今天这个词组“cut it out”的基本意思是“别这样做”！

Ali:

Oh… Right. I got it. I read the script.

哦...好吧，我明白了。其实我有看脚本预习过

I know everything. Anyway. So why are we talking about this?

这些我都知道，可为什么我们要讨论这个词组呢？

Stu:

Because China is trying to stop people smoking in public places again. Anyway in order to help other people do their part and stop smokers from smoking, they’ve released some official hand gestures,

因为中国正在尝试再次在公共场所实施禁烟。为了有利于他人的健康，为了让烟民们停止抽烟，上层发布了一些官方手势

Ali:

Hand gestures.

手势

Stu:

And the Chinese people can vote on these hand gestures in order to tell people to stop smoking.

中国人民可以进行投票，选出用以告诫人们不要抽烟的手势

Ali:

So what are the gestures?

都有哪些手势呢？

Stu:

These.

就是这些

Do you think any of these would work?

你觉得这些手势有用么？

Ali:

Well I am not so sure these things will work.

很难说

Stu:

Yeah. There could be some misunderstanding, because the first one looks like a high five. I mean what would you do if I did this to you? (Hold up palm)

我也觉得。这些手势可能会造成一些误会，因为第一个看起来就像是“击掌致敬”。我的意思是，如果我对你做这个手势，你会怎么回应呢？

Ali:

Well, I hate you, I would probably just walk away.

我讨厌你，所以我八成就会直接走开

Stu:

You hate me?

你讨厌我？

Ali:

What?

神马？

Stu:

What?

神马是什么？

Ali:

What?

神马？

Stu:

What?

神马是什么？

Ali:

Anyway, what happened, anyway let's come back to the topic. What happened if you actually try this on the general public?

怎么回事？好像我刚才被什么附体了！我们还是言归正传，如果你在公共场所这样做会怎么样呢？

Stu:

This:

这个:

See! Didn’t work! Plus the second gesture might be a little confusing if you’re Chinese.

然而，屁用木有...而且第二个手势对中国人来说也会产生一些困惑

Ali:

What are you talking about man?

你想表达什么呢？

Stu:

Well, Confucianism plays a big role in Chinese culture, right?

儒家思想在中国文化中扮演着重要的角色，对吧？

Ali:

Yeah, for sure.

确实如此

Stu:

And in the traditional sense, how do you greet someone or show respect?

按照传统的习惯，你会如何同别人打招呼或者表达你对别人的尊重的？

Ali:

Ok, so that’s American Chinese way.

好吧，这是中美结合的打招呼方式

Stu:

Yeah, so imagine if you went up to someone smoking and did this. Look.

可不是，设想一下，如果你看到有人在吸烟，然后你这样做，结果就是这样的

Ali:

Ok wise guy, so how would you stop people smoking in public?

好吧，聪明哥，你会如何在公共场所劝阻吸烟人士呢？

Stu:

Well, in the UK they banned smoking in public places, especially indoor places. So if you go to a bar or restaurant and you smoke, you get thrown out.

其实英国是禁止在公共场所吸烟，尤其是公共室内空间。所以呐，如果你在酒吧或餐厅你吸烟的话，你会被丢出去的

Or you have to pay a really big fine. And if that place allows people to smoke, they have to pay a really big fine. And, the good thing about it is you can go home after going to one of these places and you don't smell of smoke. It’s great.

你也可能面临一笔巨额罚款，我的意思是，如果是非禁烟场所，吸烟者就得支付很大一笔罚款。好处就是，你在去了这些地方回到家中之后，身上不会有烟味。这点确实很好

Ali:

That’s really good. I think we should do that here in China, too.

哎哟，不错哟。我觉得中国也应该推广类似的政策

Stu:

Yeah. What would you do to stop it?

我同意，那你是如何劝阻吸烟人士的？？

Ali:

Yeah. Well I think we should aside from all those regulations, I think probably we can use advertisements to show how bad people will become after they smoke.

我觉得我们应该除了实施各项禁烟规定，还应该利用广告来告诉大家吸烟的危害

You know, like beautiful girls. They were really beautiful but they smoke too much and they become a little bit not so beautiful.

比如找一些那些漂亮美眉，没吸烟时她们美若天仙，但是吸烟太多之后，她们的美丽容颜就不复存在了

Stu:

What about the guys?

针对男性吸烟者该如何呢？

Ali:

And the guys, if you smoke too much, next time you will do something with the beautiful girls

男性烟民哈，酱紫，如果抽烟太多的话，下次你和漂亮美眉XXOO的时候

you know that thing we all like, you know, the thing you use for that thing will get a little bit shorter. You know what I mean right. Ok. I mean the time.

吸烟会对你的小弟弟造成伤害，会让它变短，你懂的，好吧，我是指的是时间变短

Stu:

The amount of money in your wallet yes, the time yes. Next topic.

你口袋中的米米也会变少，也不利于长寿。好啦，来看下个话题

Zinger

Stu:

Our final word for the day is zinger. So Ali, Mr. English teacher extraordinaire, please explain what Zinger is?

我们今天最后一个单词是zinger（巧言妙语）。那我们卓绝非凡的英语老师，请给我们解释一下什么是zinger吧

Ali:

Well, a zinger is a joke, or a quick or very clever comment on some events or news, or maybe, you know, an insult.

Zinger指的是对于某个事件或新闻所发表的一段非常快速或者聪明的评论，也可以带有一些侮辱的性质

Stu:

Yeah, usually an insult. And if you insult someone after, you know, using one of these zinger jokes, you can say ZING… but it won’t make you sound very cool.

是的，通常是侮辱性的内容。如果你用了一些巧言妙语的玩笑侮辱了某人后，你可以说ZING... 不过这么做并不好

Ali:

Yeah, it’s a little bit out of fashion. I don’t know. Anyway, well, the President of the United States, Barack Obama,奥观海同志，he just dropped a few zingers in a White House Correspondents Dinner; an event known for beeing not so serious but with funny jokes and, you know, it wasa big hit in China too.

确实，但这大概也带有一些时尚的味道吧，美国伟大的领袖奥巴马同志，奥观海同志，他在白宫记者晚宴中就抖了几个包袱出来，当然，人们都知道这个场合也不是特别的严肃，而且开了一则玩笑，在国内也被人津津乐道

Stu:

And he even had an anger translator; let’s look.

但他随身的翻译却愤怒了，我们来瞧瞧

Ali:

Wow, that’s actually pretty good, much funnier than I am. Anyways Obama finally said something that’s actually funny.

讲的真不错，比我滑稽多了。奥巴马同志终于说了些搞笑的东西了

You know, as a politician, well not me, it’s quite difficult for those politicians to become funny and there’s a good example that is, your prime minister, never funny.

你知道，作为一名政客，我不是说自己哈，若要让这些政客变得风趣幽默极为困难，举个栗子，你们的首相大人就整天一副一本正经的样子

Stu:

What? He is funny. You know in 1814 the British burned down the White house.

什么?他其实是个搞笑的家伙。你知道，是英国人在1814年烧了白宫

Ali:

I do now.

我刚知道

Stu:

Right, well there’s a video of my prime minister making fun of that with the US president. Let's take a look.

好吧，你看这是我们首相和美国总统就那件事情开玩笑的视频。一起来看看吧

Funny or what?

搞笑不？

Ali:

What?

什么

Stu:

I said Funny or what?

我问你觉得搞笑不？

Ali:

Yeah, What?

我选“什么”

Stu:

I said Funny or what?

我问你，你觉得搞笑不？

Ali:

Yes, I choose what because you only give me 2 options and obviously it’s not funny at all. Admit it man, British people are just not funny. It’s just not your thing.

我知道！我选“什么”是因为你只给了我两个选择，而且很明显他一点都不搞笑。你就承认吧，亲，英国人就是一堆木头。搞笑不是你们的菜

Stu:

Yes, we are.

我们很擅长啊

Ali:

Nah, you’re gentlemen, you cannot be funny. You’re not funny.

不是，你们个个都是一本正经的绅士。你们不能搞笑，也没有幽默细胞

Stu:

We are.

我们有！

Ali:

Prove it.