巴黎雷欧《情绪管理十二讲》（第2版）-第四讲：成功的关键在于效率|巴黎雷欧|情绪管理十二讲|法国|玛丽|翻译

《情绪管理十二讲》（第二版）

注：华文由法文翻译而来

《情绪管理十二讲》巴黎雷欧（YouZHi Ren）著

原书名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金钥匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷欧著

内容简介

这是一本从非常别致的角度解析情绪管理的著作，是从作者的系列心理学讲座中挑选出来的。巴黎雷欧（李由、任由之）的系列心理学讲座，在法国、美国青年中颇受欢迎，特试译为中文版本。

巴黎雷欧著有《简明国际商务》（欧盟版）《法国现代书画艺术评论》（英文版3卷）和《雷欧带你认识法国》《雷欧带你认识巴黎》等书籍。

由于巴黎雷欧现系巴黎远东文化艺术协会负责人，巴黎雷欧艺术馆及版权交易机构负责人，工作繁忙，此译本尚未得巴黎雷欧先生审阅，特此说明。

第四讲成功的关键在于效率

看到这个标题，你可能会认为这是另一篇文章，谈论的是无所不在的高效力人群的习惯。但不，这不是那些文章中的一个。

效率可以提高很多的不同层次的生活。今天我要触及一个不太清楚的领域：停止重建你头脑中的事实，以避免不愉快的事件来干预你的自我形象。具体地说，不要怀疑你的意图，而要判断你的技能。

我亲眼目睹了许多朋友和我自己在生活中的停滞，一段长的或短的时间。有时候，看着这种情形很痛苦，但有时需要很长时间才能意识到。在更广泛的个人成长意义上，在给定的时间框架内缺乏进展，显然是无法获得效率的。

我将举出一个个人例子来说明我的观点。我的朋友们也反复观察到类似的情况。当一个孤独的年轻男性开始在生活的海洋中航行时，不可避免地会遇到一个挑战，那就是时间本身的陈旧。

你可以想象，随着文化背景的彻底改变，譬如我从中国搬到法国，会影响我的社交能力。在新的环境里，我作为年轻人，对服装的品味，恐怖的发型选择，关键的人际交往技巧，都是缺乏的，一点也不擅长的。

令人震惊，对吧？但这还不是令人震惊的部分。真正削弱了我个人成长效率的，是我来应付这种令人不快的情况，在头脑中创造的防御机制。

现在我来模拟一下我的经历，让你更好地理解它。

几个星期过去，我终于在一个聚会上得到了一个可爱的女孩的电话号码，玛丽。一个奇迹已经从天上掉下来了，她实际上回答了我的联络信息。之后，我努力工作，业余时间细心安排一个时间和地点和她会面，似乎一切都都好。当最后一天到来的时候，我却显得紧张、尴尬，出现了一些挫折，（我不是指我紧张的时候，我在我的约会前把热咖啡洒了自己身上）。你可能已经猜测，结果会是灾难性的。到目前为止，没有什么特别的发展。对于任何一个多年来完善了自己的游戏的人来说，这只是一个我们以后可以自我解嘲的插曲。但在那之后，当我了解到玛丽对我的浪漫介入不感兴趣时，我的脑海里就会出现一些事情。我的第一个举动总是很快就怀疑我对找到爱的渴望，怀疑我是否渴望与一个我欣赏的女孩建立更为丰富的联系。我的大脑会生出这样的想法：我不确定我是否真的想要这些。也许这种情绪对我来说不是最好的。不过重要的是，我把重点放转到了我的学习和工作上，这是需要优先考虑的。

这件事后的想法，与我在本文开头所提到的完全相反。我怀疑自己的意图，而不是判断自己的技能。我花了这么多年的时间来面对这个简单的问题，当开始发牢骚的时候：坚持住，如果我们想在这里得分，那是小菜一碟，我们有一个很好的机会得到它，没有更多的麻烦，你还是宁愿离开它吗？然后，我只是喜欢看我的大脑非常勉强地说出下面的一句话：那样的话，今晚带她回家真是太好了。

你可能认为我在这里玩一个智力游戏。但遗憾的是，我们总是被自己的思想所打动。让我们把洋葱剥得更开些。为什么我们容易怀疑自己的意图？原因很简单，通过这样做，在我们想要达到什么目标的路途上，避免了面对我们的无能的风险。

你不能说我不够好，当我不太喜欢某件事情的时候。多么聪明？可悲的是，使我们在生活中进步的关键之一是自我意识，是我们对自己想要的东西足够熟练。记住，我们的技能并没有定义我们，因为我们总是可以通过训练变得更好。我们的精神世界确实如此。

Key to success with efficiency

Seeing this title, you might think that this would be another article that talks about the omnipresent subjects of several habits of highly effective people. But no, this is not one of these articles.

Efficiency can be improved upon so many different levels in life. Today I’m going to hit an obscure area of it: stop reconstruction the facts in your head post unpleasant events to preserve your self-image. In more specific words, don’t doubt your intention, judge your skills instead.

I’ve witnessed many friends and myself stagnate in life for longer or shorter periods. Sometimes it’s painful to watch right away, but sometimes it took a long time to realize. In a broader sense of personal growth, lack of progress in a given time frame is a clear failure to obtain efficiency.

I’ll take a personal example to illustrate my point. Similar situations have been repeatedly observed among my friends. As a lonely young male first starts to navigate in the sea of life, I inevitably encountered the challenge that is old as time itself: find love, or intimate companionship from attractive girls.

But as you can imagine, with the radical change of cultural background (I moved from China to France, so there went my social adequacy), plus my adolescent taste for clothing, horror inducing hair style choices and lack of crucial people skills, I wasn’t doing great at all.

Stunning, right? Just hold on, because this is not the shocking part at all. What really killed the efficiency in my personal growth, was the defensive mechanism that I created in my head to cope with this unpleasant situation.

Let me run a simulation of my experience for you to understand it better.

After weeks of struggle, I finally managed to get a phone number of a cute girl from a party, Marie. And, a second miracle has dropped from the sky, she actually replied to my text OMG. Then, I would work my way up, carefully arrange a time and place for a first date, so far so good. Finally, the day came, I would show up nervous, awkward, and with short bursts of frustration attack here and there during the first date. Now you probably figured out that the result would be disastrous (I didn’t mean that time when I was so nervous that I spilled hot coffee all over myself in front of my date). So far there’s nothing special. For any man who has perfected his game over the years, it’s just a process that we could laugh at later on. But back then, something would happen in my brain after I understood that Marie was not interested in a romantic involvement with me. My first move was always to quickly doubt my desire to find love, to be skeptical about my urge to find physical or mental connections with a girl I appreciate. My brain would come up with ideas like: I’m not sure if I really want this. Maybe sentiment is not the best thing for me right now. It is more important that I focus on my study and work which are absolute priorities, etc.

And this afterthought, is the exact opposite of what I mentioned at the beginning of this article. I was doubting my intention, instead of judging my skills. It took me so many years to be able to confront my brain with this simple question when it starts to be whiny: hold on there, if what we are trying to score here is a piece of cake, and we have a very good chance to get it without any more hassle, would you still rather leave it? Then, I just enjoy watching my brain very reluctantly utter the following phrase: in that case, it would be nice to bring her home tonight.

You may think that I’m playing a mind game here. But sadly, we are always the ones that get played by our own minds. Let’s peel the onion even further. Why we doubt our intentions easily? The reason is simple, by doing so, we avoid the very risk of facing our incompetence regarding what we want to achieve.

You can’t say I’m not good enough when I’m not really into it. How clever is it? Sadly, one of the keys that makes us progress in life is the self-awareness that we are yet skillful enough for what we want. Remember, our skills don’t define us, because we can always train to get better. But our mental strength does.

情绪管理十二讲LéoParis –巴黎雷欧目录

（中文译本未经巴黎雷欧审阅）

第一讲轻松成功，有秘诀吗？

第二讲给你的“自律”放个假

第三讲决策，可能是伪装的逃避

第四讲成功的关键在于效率

第五讲毒性人格，为何不能正常诠释

第六讲情感脱节，一个危险的症状

第七讲情绪化，恰恰是因为缺乏感性

第八讲强烈感觉与自我意识

第九讲治愈厌倦，参与周围的环境

第十讲不要让你喜欢的东西杀死你

第十一讲社交障碍治疗——消除隔离

第十二讲乐趣和成功之间的差距

Paris gold Key巴黎金钥匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to successwith efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

巴黎雷欧：GLC（Galerie Leo et Co）创始人，著有《国际谈判哲学》（法文版）《国际谈判实务》（华文版，多家考研机构参考书）《跨国公司内部谈判效益论析》（法文版）《法国现代书画艺术评论》（英文版3 卷）《远东文化艺术》（法文&华文）《情绪管理十二讲》（英文版&华文版）和《雷欧带你认识法国》（英文版）《雷欧带你认识巴黎》（英文版）等书籍（学习微：LeorenFR）。